Scrooge McDuck Is My Hero
I loved Duck Tales growing up, it was a the best show about a rich old geezer who was hellbent on getting even richer regardless of the danger to employees, family or even himself. Scrooge is the model of irresponsible greed, but to his credit he gets down in the trenches with the grunts. In any normal world any children within fifty feet of Scrooge would have to be rescued by child services.
Scrooge is a bad ass that makes Richard Branson look like a pussy. Scrooge has starred two action/adventure video games on the Nintendo Entertainment System. They are critically acclaimed and beloved classics. Does Richard Branson have any classic NES games about him? Not a chance, and let's face it Branson lives a rather bland life compared to the richest duck in Duckberg. I see the Duck Tales games as one of the greatest humanitarian achievements the world had ever known. My only complaint is that there's no Duck Tales 3, Super Duck Tales, or Duck Tales 64. What are kids supposed to do now? Play Final Fantasy umpteen? No wonder today's generation is so worthless.
Scrooge had a long list of generous and charitable deeds to his name. For example, Scrooge funded the creation of the worlds greatest duck based super hero, Gizmoduck. (Darkwing Duck, if you're reading this, do us all a favor and die in a fire.) Scrooge looks after his three nephews; Huey, Duey and Louie because no one else wants them it seems, even though kids are obnoxious and expensive. And I am sure that legal fees Scrooge must be paying 9or bribes) to keep child services from gaining custody of "his boys" must be immense. Scrooge also adopted a caveman named Bubba and his dinosaur Tootsie and doesn't exploit either of them even though such exploitation would be quite profitable. From what I have seen Scrooge must be paying a fortune in property damage lawsuits thanks to Bubba and Dinosaur If not for Scrooge I am positive Webbigail would have been forced into child prostitution. And finally, without Scrooge McDuck, millions of children would have had to watch vapid afternoon cartoons and play bland video games starring plumbers or hedgehogs.
Scrooge has his own pilot of course, the worst pilot in the world, Launchpad McQuack. Launchpad has never successfully landed a plane. So every time Scrooge flies with Launchpad, he knows they're going to crash and he's going to have to beat the odds and survive yet another catastrophic crash. Why does he do it? Launchpad works for free, and how can you beat free? But there is a lesson, you get what you pay for. If you're hardcore enough to survive any plane crash you can skimp on the quality of your pilot, this lesson applies to any sort of employee (who holds your life in their hands) I think.
Not everything in Scrooge's life is perfect. Lots of people are after his money, the Beagle Boys and Flintheart Glomgold to name a few. Obviously Scrooge could afford to hire the best contract killers ever to take care of his enemies. And even if some DA managed to pin their deaths on Scrooge, he would never go to prison. No one that rich ever goes to prison. Although it is possible that Scrooge would hire the cheapest lawyer and end up getting double life sentences. So he's goes to prison, so what? No one messes with a dude as hard as Scrooge McDuck. Scrooge, you're my hero.
