Why 1/5 Of Americans Can?t Locate America on a Map
So I read that 1/5 Americans, or 20% of Americans, cannot locate their own country on a world map. Well needless to say this factoid is another indictment of the sad sad state of American education. I guess I would care if polls were accurate or meant anything, you know, in reality. What pisses me off is that the pollsters never talk to me. I might be able to improve the data for once. I know where America, Iraq, South Africa and Asia are on map. I'm one of the minority of Americans who is not obese and I'm sure regardless of the poll I can steer the data back towards respectable numbers. But the liberal media doesn't want that, bastards.*
While I have managed to avoid most of the major pitfalls that lead so many Americans down the path of retardation, Miss Teen South Carolina was not so lucky apparently.
I could go on at great length poking fun at Miss Teen South Carolina's odd colloquialism "the Iraq" and how her response spirals into madness. But instead I'll just answer the question she was asked, only this time someone, that is to say I, will make sense.
Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is? The answer: Most people only want to know just enough to get a job that allows them to get drunk on their days off and laid by people who are just like them. Anything that goes beyond that scope is often viewed as a joke or as something that should be discarded by all "right thinking" people. Maps, geography and cartography all fall under the umbrella of things that don't help with the drunk/laid goal and thus should be avoided. And let's not mention that most Americans live in America already, so why would they need to know where they are on a map when they're already there?
Frankly the rest of the world sucks anyway, and anyone who leaves America is probably dumb and so we're better off that there's a 20% chance they can't find their way home. Who knows what sort of subversive and anti-American ideas they may bring back. Just look what happened to John Walker Lindh, he knew where to find Afghanistan on a map and you saw what that got him. Obviously knowledge of geography and maps are unpatriotic. So if you know someone who really likes geography, or even just owns an atlas, you should probably report them to the Department of Homeland Security. Pat yourself on the back, you're a patriot.
*This joke was done for all my conservative friends who piss and moan about the liberal bias in media. I disagree that the media has a liberal bias. I think it has a retarded bias and that it caters too much to the core audience of retards.
