Why 1/5 Of Americans Can?t Locate America on a Map

So I read that 20% of Americans, cannot locate their own country on a world map. Well needless to say this factoid is another indictment of the sad sad state of American education. I wonder why pollsters never ask me any questions, I think I could really skew the numbers in a positive direction for once.

Why do you think this is Miss Teen South Carolina?

I could go on at great length poking fun at Miss Teen South Carolina's odd colloquialism "the Iraq" and how her response spirals into madness. But instead I'll just answer the question she was asked, only this time it'll make sense.

Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?

The answer: Most people only want to know just enough to get a job that allows them to get drunk on their days off and laid by people who are just like them. Any level of education or thinking that goes beyond that scope is often viewed with suspicion or contempt by all "right thinking" people. Maps, geography and cartography all fall under the umbrella of things that don't help with getting drunk or laid and thus should be avoided and mocked. A "valid" thought might be that most Americans live in America already, so why would they need to know where they are on a map when they're already there?

So there you have it. We live in a world were ignorance is lauded. I hope all you ignorant bastards are happy.

By: Brock | On: Sat, September 1st, 2007 - 04:58 AM